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"How are you?" is heard more often as a greeting than as a genuine inquiry. Take back this phrase by consciously choosing whether to simply greet someone or connecting more deeply to nourish social and emotional well-being.
Summary: Use “How are you?” as an opportunity for deeper connection
Time: 10 minutes
Trust Required: High
Keywords: caring, circle, communication, emotional, icebreaker, lifeplay, prep-free, social, support
There are 143 other well-being activities from the book Flourishing Classrooms..
Typical Response (1 minute): Use or adapt the following script: “I'm going to ask a question and everyone can respond out loud at the same time. Ok, here’s the question [dramatic pause] . . . How are you?” Note the typical responses heard: “fine,” “okay,” or “good, how are you?”.
Authentic Response (5 minutes): Invite students to respond again in partners, but this time more authentically (as per the sharer's comfort--see 4. Safety below). Use a timer to prompt a switch, and begin with the person sitting closest to the door responding first. Longer times can be used for deeper sharing, although any duration may feel long for some people.
Debrief (5 minutes): Invite partners to debrief with the prompt "What happened?" Debrief with the whole group using any of the follow-up prompts as desired.
What happened? Thoughts? Feelings?
How would you compare the two experiences of typical and authentic?
How do we typically answer these kinds of questions? How does it feel to share deeply? What is the general comfort of society as a whole with sharing?
What is our purpose in asking "How are you"? [Conclude with the suggestion to greet by saying things like “nice to see you”, and saving "how are you?" for deeper connections.
Safety: Authentic interaction involves vulnerability (for the sharer) and requires sensitivity (for the listener). Reassure students know that depth (or shallowness) of sharing is always up to each individual's feeling of comfort and safety.
Lifeplay: Challenge the entire class (teacher participates) to consider responding more authentically whenever they hear "how are you" for a week. Also invite them to notice what they choose to say when they greet others. Debrief at the end of the week.
Notice when you or another person says "How are you?". Is it more often a greeting or a genuine inquiry?
Try responding to "how are you?" in different ways. Reflect on how your response changes the interaction.
Saying something like "fine, how are you?" is useful when time is short. However, does this response come out automatically or is it a conscious choice?
Try responding more authentically by sharing something about how you truly are. Notice whether this produces more depth or connection with interactions.
Practice discerning your feelings of safety when a person asks "how are you?". Let this trust level dictate the authenticity of your response.
Listen deeply if the other person shares, remaining silent and taking in their response with presence.
Ask "How are you" only as an authentic inquiry into a person's well-being. If you wish to simply greet someone, just say “hello" or "nice to see you”. But when you sense the time is right, asking "how are you?"--and meaning it--can make a world of difference. Notice your intentions in social situations and become more mindful of how you greet others.
